• August 2, 2021

Exclusive: Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday

 Exclusive: Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday


Waldman continued…

Liberals need to embrace the culture war, because we’re winning. The story of American history is that of conservative ideas and prejudices falling away as our society grows more progressive and thus more true to our nation’s founding ideals.

Conservatives supported slavery, conservatives opposed women’s suffrage, conservatives supported Jim Crow, conservatives opposed the 40-hour work week and the abolishment of child labor, and conservatives supported McCarthyism. In short, all the major advancements of freedom and justice in our history were pushed by liberals and opposed by conservatives, no matter the party they inhabited at the time.

Conservatism is Bill Bennett lecturing you about self-denial, then rushing off to feed his slot habit at the casino. It’s James Dobson telling you that children need regular beatings to stay in line. It’s a superannuated nun rapping you on the knuckles so you won’t think about your dirty parts. It’s Jerry Falwell watching “Teletubbies” frame by frame to see if Tinky Winky is trying to turn him gay. Conservatism is everyone you never wanted to grow up to be.

Let’s just hope our country gets that through its thick skull in time.

P.S. Follow Paul Waldman on twitter here.

And now, our feature presentation…

Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, July 21, 2021

Note: “Palmolive implants microchips while you do dishes.”  —Deep State Madge

By the Numbers:

TOPSHOT - A commercial plane flies in the sky as a full moon is seen in Manila on January 31, 2018. .Skywatchers were hoping for a rare lunar eclipse that combines three unusual events ---a blue moon, a super moon and a total eclipse, which was to make for a large crimson moonviewable in many corners of the globe. / AFP PHOTO / NOEL CELIS        (Photo credit should read NOEL CELIS/AFP/Getty Images)
2 days!!! (Commercial airliner sold separately.)

Days ’til the full “Buck” moon: 2

Rank of the U.S. in new covid cases: #1

President Biden’s and President Trump’s average approval rating after 6 months in office, according to FiveThirtyEight’s daily tally of all polls: 52%, 38%

Number of prisoners left at the U.S. gulag facility at Guantánamo Bay after the release of one Monday: 39

Percent support among all Americans for the Biden infrastructure bill’s spending on, respectively, building roads and bridges, getting broadband to rural areas, and paying for childcare and eldercare: 87%, 73%, 71%

Per-glass price at my front-yard lemonade stand I set up when I was 5: $199.95

Number of glasses sold in 52 years: 0

Totally Random NBA Finals Score

Milwaukee Bucks 105   Phoenix Suns 98

Milwaukee wins the championship for the first time since 1971 

Mid-week Rapture Index: 186 (including 6 floods and billions of Satan’s Big Macs served).  Soul Protection Factor 30 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.

Puppy Pic of the Day: In CincinnatiSaved!!!

CHEERS to getting your moment in the stratosphere. Yesterday morning, at the precise stroke of 9-something something, tough-as-nails 82-year-old test pilot and 1960s Mercury program veteran Wally Funk became the oldest person to reach space, thanks to a successful flight of the Blue Origin:

An inspiration to many across the world, as well as those who know her best, Funk’s life has revolved around flying: she has logged more than 19,600flight hours and has instructed thousands of pilots. Funk also has been a dedicated member of the Oklahoma City-based Ninety-Nines International Organization for Women Pilots since 1958.

WallyFunkBlueOrigin.jpg
Finally!!!

“She is the poster child of never giving up on your dream, never quitting, never allowing anything to stop you,” said Funk’s close friend and Ninety-Nine’s International Director Monica Randolph-Graham.

Funk officially tops the previous age recordholder, John Glenn, who went up in a Shuttle at the age of 77. Somehow, wherever he is, I don’t think he’ll mind.

CHEERS to today’s comforting words from Dr. Anthony Fauci. Oh, man…

PolitiFact rates this claim: Self-Evident Truth.

CHEERS to high times in the upper chamber. This is it—today’s the day we’ve all been waiting for. Today the Senate will take a crucial vote on a motion to start debating the motion to end the beginning of the debate to decide if debating a motion to debate is debatable, or if they should just move straight ahead with debating the motion to debate the motion to end debate right at the start. If all goes well, an infrastructure bill that doesn’t yet exist will be placed in one of three “shell bills,” and senators will take turns trying to guess which shell the non-existent bill is under. (You can try this at home, it’s great fun.) Then, for reasons yet to be made clear, the Republicans will all wink at Joe Manchin, who will leave after the chamber adjourns with an erection lasting more than four hours. God Bless our democratic-republic.

BRIEF SANITY BREAK

x

END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

CHEERS to a chamber that knows how to pass stuff. How’s your state doing with divvying up its share of the $1.9 trillion in covid rescue/recovery funds that Democrats so generously passed last spring? Not blowing it all on cigarettes and booze and lottery tickets, I hope. Here in Maine, our Democrats in the legislature seem to have allocated wisely this week. The state Senate passed a measure that will now go to the House for final approval and then off to the governor’s desk for a’ signin’:

The legislation sends large amounts of funding to a range of programs, government agencies, public colleges and businesses. It includes large boosts for student loan repayment grants for health care professionals, while also focusing on infrastructure improvements, especially broadband internet expansion for rural and other underserved communities in Maine.

As usual, whatever money’s left over will be invested in the flannel futures market.

CHEERS to comeuppance.  47 years ago today, on July 21, 1974, the House Judiciary Committee approved two articles of impeachment against Richard “Okay, I Guess I Am A Crook After All” Nixon. That same day, he was giving a speech at a private home in Bel Air, California.  Let’s see… He talked about the host’s fine tent. He talked about the struggle between Greece and Turkey.  He talked about his trip to Egypt.  He talked about some former administration officials.  And then he toasted his audience with a fine whine:

“You wonder sometimes, and I am often asked, you know, how do you really take the burden of the Presidency, particularly when at times it seems to be under very, very grievous assault.

Let me say, it isn’t new for it to be under assault, because since the time we came into office for 5 years, we have had problems.

nixon.jfif
Buh bye.

There have been people marching around the White House when we were trying to bring the war to an end, and we have withstood that, and we will withstand the problems of the future.”

He forgot to add four crucial words: “…for 19 more days.”  Silly goose.

Ten years ago in C&J: July 21, 2011

CHEERS to a fine ride and a good run. Th-th-that’s all, folks! With the perfect landing of Atlantis earlier this morning, we officially conclude the Era of the Space Shuttle, an endeavor—that is to say, an enterprise—that was a real challenger of discovery for NASA, a project more difficult to pull off than finding the lost city of Atlantis or an honest Republican in the District of Columbia. Please remove your belongings from the seat pocket in front of you and the overhead storage bins, exercising caution as some items may have shifted during our 30-year journey. If you’re connecting with a public-private space exploration program, please have a seat at Gate W8. We’ll be boarding just as soon as the crew arrives and they build the spacecraft. Hope you brought plenty of stuff to read. And a sturdy butt cushion. 

And just one more…

CHEERS to second thoughts. I saw this Subaru ad for the first time Monday night, and was surprised to find out it’s a year old. A gold squeaky star goes to whoever thought it up and then made it happen:

It’s no wonder that dogs drive Subarus more than any other brand. (But a word of caution: they swerve willy-nilly to go after shiny objects. Blinker optional.)

Have a happy humpday. Floor’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about today?

Today’s Shameless C&J Testimonial

Fox News viewers tear into Steve Doocy after he begs them to read Cheers and Jeers

Raw Story





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